2015 has gone and we still keep on going..

I have been meaning to write this for awhile now. The words have been dancing around in my head. 2015 had been a whirl wind of adventure. We got to do some traveling. We visited my sister and her kids. We also saw my parents and grandparents. They all live near each other. We saw the grand canyon. Last fall we got to go to Disneyland for Epilepsy awareness day thanks to the help of a great charity for epilepsy. We got Seaworld passes from a friend for Christmas. It has been really amazing! We had been really be trying to make the most of life as we are we are financially able. I have learned that life is unpredictable. So I make the most of our memories Since finding out my 6 year old had epilepsy as well as sensitivity issues our life has changed but it hasn’t held us back.

We are going on our second semester of home schooling. As I mentioned before public school wasn’t working for him. He was miserable.  School felt like a prison for him. When we started home schooling I was really expecting it to be a total nightmare. I had no faith in myself as a teacher. The home school online program we were using was confusing and overwhelming. I soon realized this is a LOT of work that I really didn’t want to do. As a mother you often find yourself doing things you don’t really want to do. I have to say 1 semester down and it has really been worth it. We have had our ups and downs-really more ups than down. It helps that he is a very intelligent child. He is doing a lot of his work independently. With my him ( my oldest child) I have learned breaks are essential. He works better the more breaks he gets. When he starts to have focus issues or becomes restless, a moment or two to stretch is really successful way to help get him back on track. He also gets breaks between each class. It makes a huge difference. He is doing so well. He is getting very high grades and tested above grade level is many subjects on his own merit. I am not pushing him to be a super genius. He just really enjoys science, history, and reading.

The interesting thing about home school verses regular public school is that you can accomplish in half a day what takes all day for them.  And you get more breaks in home school.

My youngest son just turned 5. I have been doing preschool at home. I get him involved in all the science experiments and art project my oldest is doing. We have also been playing letter games and we have been playing with number and shapes.  He is picking up things very well. He can already read basic words. I am very proud of him as well. My husband and I have been looking at kindergartens for him to attend. I wasn’t at all happy with the care the kids got at our local public school. My youngest is pretty well adjusted and enjoys building and creating – particularly contraption that do things and booby traps. I rather him go to a school that can support his interest. Next week he has an appt with a speech therapist. He is a really hard time saying certain sounds. So we will see how that goes.

So whats new with me? I am learning to drive. I know its really weird that I am 28 years old and I have never had a drivers license. I never had a need to drive. I never went anywhere as a teenager without my sister. I had only friend at church. I didn’t party or go on dates. Ive been married 8 years now so I figured now was a good time.

I am hoping to have my license by July. Wish me luck!

Until next time,




They Say Motherhood Isnt for the Weak- I Think They are Right!

We started home schooling about a month ago. Can I just say I am so glad that we decided to home school? The first day was a total disaster. I was like a deer looking into head lights. What am I thinking? The curriculum I got seemed alright but I had no idea how to handle my energetic 6-year-old. He was unfocused and really just wanted play. The first day of classes were super easy and all stuff he knew for a very long time aside from writing. He was so bored. I didn’t want to crush him like the public school had. I’m not gonna lie I was very overwhelmed. I just wanted to get him done every day. I found myself forcing him along. I rushing him to get it over with. I was stressing us both out. This is why I didn’t want him in public school in the first place.

The second week I realized this is never going to work if I let it overwhelm me and if I don’t make this about him.  So I reassessed the situation. I tried a bunch of things. But what seemed to help us both is to skip the work that is too easy. As long as he can pass the test who cares if he does the boring part? And it gives us a little extra time to work on areas he struggles.  By the way in the subject he finds to easy, he took a placement test and got the maximum score possible for his grade. He has gotten 100% on every test he has taken so far. So I know he isn’t missing anything. When it gets hard I will start teaching it more thoroughly again. He struggles a lot with writing and we’ve been able work on it and I am starting to see some improvement. I have learned so much about my son from schooling his the past month.

  1. He work better at his on pace ( Which I did know all along) But I also learn that giving him a 20 min break between each lesson actually get us done with school hours before it would if I just did classes right after the other and only took 2 breaks. We start school at 9 and we usually finish before 2 but without a break we don’t finish until closer to 4.
  2. He loves history! I love history too. I love that we share this together. His history class has a lesson and then he has to draw a picture and says a few things about his favorite part of the lesson. Normally anything that involves coloring or writing really is just miserable for him. But he actually really seems to enjoy this and gets excited about it. I love this!
  3. He loves to figure stuff out on his own. In science we do a lot of experiments. He love its. I supervise everything but he likes to try to do it by himself. He is very independent. Same with Math. We are learning about clocks and how to tell time. He wanted to figure it out on his own. I love that he enjoys figuring stuff out for his own. He is very much a visual learner. It’s very impressive to watch. He loves knowing how thing work and why.

So things to this point have gone very well but we have had our set back. We all got a bad virus. It was not fun. To make matters worse, my oldest started having random seizure activity. It scares me every time.  I handled it well but once he was at the end of it I went and had a good cry. We were almost 6 months seizure free. I have no idea what triggered. He has been taking his meds. Other then having a bit of a bug, he was doing well.  Nothing out of the ordinary. I know he doesn’t remember it but it scares me. He is doing better today. But I am watching in carefully and I’m staying in touch with his dr. I keep thinking if I had him in regular school and he had those seizures I don’t think they would know what to do with him. The nurse with seizure training was only there are certain days. So scary!

He started occupational therapy  and we only had one session so far but I have a good feeling about it. We also started taking him to a chiropractor as well. These things together should help him a lot with his physical hang ups and motor skills. I’m really excited. He is such a fantastic kid. I don’t want his issues holding him back.

My youngest son is also getting over a cold. But he is doing great. He will turn 5 soon. I’m doing preschool work wit him. He seems to enjoy it. I let help out in some of big brother’s classes. If we do science experiments or stuff like that. When we read books I read with both kids. Its been really good. I think its excellent bounding for them. Something productive they can do together.

It’s hard watching my kids struggle sometimes but to be honest I wouldn’t trade them for anything. They are the biggest blessing in me and my husband’s life. They keep us going. I really believe God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. Though sometimes I feel like life can weigh me down but when it comes down to it, I have it SOOOO much better now than I did 10-15 years ago.  I am happy and my family happy. So that is what has been going on with us. Crazy life but we are doing pretty good.

Until next time, Sage

Life is a roller coaster.

My life has been crazy of late. My oldest son who suffers from partial complex seizures, is about to start another round of test. He is scared. He remember when he had the test before and the blood work he had to get. It wasn’t s pleasant experience for him.  He is 6 years old and incredible smart. Always asking question and wanted to know how things work. I hate seeing him go through these things. This is something I can’t make better with a kiss. He seizures are well control with medication but they do test every so often to make sure his meds are working, ti see if he has grown out of it, etc… It seems all of our family’s appts and our check ups are landing in the same two months. We have something scheduled for my husbands days off every week for the whole month of July. June was pretty full too.

My husband has also been applying for better jobs as much as possible. Money is getting tight and it’s getting harder and harder to live. He had so many interviews last month and more this month. Each job had about 2-3 parts: A written, a face to face, and a usually final interview with the big bosses. The First job he didn’t get. The second job LOVED him and begged him to reapply next time but they hired internally as they liked to take care of their own first. The third job, he got but they ended up not paying enough. He has 2 more job on the rope. Well, technically 3 as the one place has two openings. But he has to apply separately for both since it’s the same job but different divisions.( does that make sense?) Who knows if anything will come from it.

Soon he has job training where he is currently working. He will be at work extra hours. I try not to complain because I know he is trying to do better for us. And I am gratefully proud of him. But when him gone so much I feel like I am a single mother. I miss him. When he is home, he tries really hard to be there for me and the kids even though I know he is tired from all the work he does. I feel bad sometimes because of it.

I started the process to home school my oldest son. I am hoping I don’t fail him. He has an incredible mind and I don’t want to ruin it. I am trying hard to remember to be patient with him.

We have been trying to make plans to visit my father in law. He lives around 4 hours give or take from us. The longer we wait the harder it will be because my mother in law doesn’t know we have a relationship with him. Or at least we don’t talk about it with her. She doesn’t really want her ex husband to be apart of my husband, Jack’s life.  It would help if we knew when MIL (Mother in law) was a coming to live near us. She keeps saying times but then stuff keeps coming up. I’m so grateful stuff comes up because that is one less thing to worry about. But its hard to make plans. If we go out-of-town and she is here then it will be very awkward because she will want to know details. Talk about how it bothers her. Or she may follow us. Try and move into our house while we are gone. Even when she is in another state she still tends to figure out every time we go out-of-town. I really think the CIA should hire her. She could be a professional stalker/ spy.

We went to church on sunday. It felt a little less awkward because they didn’t have the drums they usually do in their worship band. Instead they had blue grass type music. It was weird but I felt more at home with it then the rock band they usually have. I love Rock music but I feel guilty sometimes hearing it at church. I know, I know! That is kinda messed up and doesn’t make sense. But its hard to reset things were taught your whole life. I kinda wish I could have it both ways. The middle ground. But I have yet to find the it. I don’t really feel like I belong anywhere.

So life isn’t too bad. Just a lot of juggling. Trying not to get over whelmed. I am trying to just focus on the well-being of my beautiful children. It helps keep me going.

Until next time, Sage!

New experiences

After my new-found liberation trying new things was both exciting and scary. Have you ever seen the Disney animated movie Rapunzel? I often made decisions like she did when she left mother Gothel. I had already decided to wear pants and go to the movies. The next big thing was to get my ears pierce.

Ear rings were permitted by the churches we had attended as long as it was on a female. They could be no more than 1 ear-ring on each ear and nowhere else on the body. But in our home it was not permitted ever. I must have changed my mind a million times before I got them done. I kept hearing my dad’s voice in my head saying that he was going to rip them out of my ears if he saw me with them. I finally got brave enough and did it. I loved them! Picking out ear rings was so fun.

Another “Wild” choice I made was to change my hair. About a year into our marriage I decided  I wanted to do something crazy. My hair went down a little further then the middle of my back. I cut it right above my shoulders. Then I colored it kinda  brownish burgundy.  Length wasn’t an issues for my parents as long as it was not shorter than my shoulders but coloring was. Both had been issues at the “church”. We had to have long hair and it had to be pulled back away from the face in an approve manner. There were some way that were unacceptable because they were too popular and therefore of the world. My hair often was a source of trouble for me there.

One Sunday morning when I was a teenager the “Leader” grabbed a handful of my hair which I hadn’t pulled back that day like I was supposed too. She demanded to know what was in my hair. I was confused. She pointed out blonde streaks in my otherwise dark brown hair. I hadn’t colored my hair. I had what hair stylist call “virgin hair”. No color, no dye, no perms, and no treatments or products like that. My hair  naturally was high-lighted after spending long hours out in the sun. She finally let go of me and we moved on. I found it pretty ironic that years later her teenage daughter started going gray early and ended up dying her hair. Maybe its Karma?!? I only colored my hair once just for the experience of doing it.

Wearing a swim suit to the beach was another new experience for me. Girls never swam with anything other than girls. Swim suits were never allowed.Girls wore pleated full culottes. They were only allowed if they looked like a skirt. We also had to wear a t-shirt. This really covered nothing while in the water but it was all we were allowed. I got my first swim suit not long after were married and I wore it to the beach. I felt naked and weird. After that I always wore shorts with it.

Church was probably the biggest confusing experience for me. Coming from a very strict extremely hard-core church background I was ready to make changes but afraid of angering God. I always had this picture of God sitting up in the clouds waiting for me to make a mistake so that he could strike me down. I was afraid to miss church even 1 day because it was a the first step to drugs and my impending doom. I was also afraid my parents would think I ran off to another state to live like the devil and not because I was in love and wanted to make a life for myself.

We found a pretty conservative church but not as conservative as I had gone to before I was really afraid to tell my parents the name of the church in case the googled it. Though in appearance the church was very down the line but some of the woman wore *gasp* pants. Another big issues was that even though the pastor taught from the king James version of the Bible the accepted the NIV. Some of the teachers taught from it. I had always been taught the NIV was straight from hell itself.

My mom later visited after my first child was born. We brought her to church with us a couple of times. I prayed she wouldn’t see anything objectionable but she found more wrong with it than I even thought she would. My mom decided not to go back to church with us again.

We ended up venturing out into the pool of churches in the area. We were finding that most of the churches in our area that were conservative all had ties with the Pearls philosophy of breaking a child. Many were also aligned with the Gothard’s ministry.  If you don’t know who they are do some reasearch. They have a pretty extreme way of doing things in a religious matter. Neither of these were groups we wanted to raise our own children in. While we wanted our children to be good member of society, we didn’t want to break them to get them there. It wasnt right for us.

So we left and went on a year-long mission of finding what was.  I had no idea there were so many different kinds of churches.  I saw new things like speaking in tongues, worship bands, people putting their hands out in the air, and dancing in church, and other varying things.  I have to admit I was a little freaked out and overwhelmed. I was used to a very stiff style of worship.

We did finally settled on a church for the time being. We have been attending there for the past year. I have had a very hard time trusting people especially people in authority of the church. So we’ve kinda tried to be in the back ground for now. I feel like I’m just an observer and I’m happy there for now.

Until next time, Sage

Copyright Sage © 2015  Starting over and Breaking Free. Do not use without my permission.