After my new-found liberation trying new things was both exciting and scary. Have you ever seen the Disney animated movie Rapunzel? I often made decisions like she did when she left mother Gothel. I had already decided to wear pants and go to the movies. The next big thing was to get my ears pierce.
Ear rings were permitted by the churches we had attended as long as it was on a female. They could be no more than 1 ear-ring on each ear and nowhere else on the body. But in our home it was not permitted ever. I must have changed my mind a million times before I got them done. I kept hearing my dad’s voice in my head saying that he was going to rip them out of my ears if he saw me with them. I finally got brave enough and did it. I loved them! Picking out ear rings was so fun.
Another “Wild” choice I made was to change my hair. About a year into our marriage I decided I wanted to do something crazy. My hair went down a little further then the middle of my back. I cut it right above my shoulders. Then I colored it kinda brownish burgundy. Length wasn’t an issues for my parents as long as it was not shorter than my shoulders but coloring was. Both had been issues at the “church”. We had to have long hair and it had to be pulled back away from the face in an approve manner. There were some way that were unacceptable because they were too popular and therefore of the world. My hair often was a source of trouble for me there.
One Sunday morning when I was a teenager the “Leader” grabbed a handful of my hair which I hadn’t pulled back that day like I was supposed too. She demanded to know what was in my hair. I was confused. She pointed out blonde streaks in my otherwise dark brown hair. I hadn’t colored my hair. I had what hair stylist call “virgin hair”. No color, no dye, no perms, and no treatments or products like that. My hair naturally was high-lighted after spending long hours out in the sun. She finally let go of me and we moved on. I found it pretty ironic that years later her teenage daughter started going gray early and ended up dying her hair. Maybe its Karma?!? I only colored my hair once just for the experience of doing it.
Wearing a swim suit to the beach was another new experience for me. Girls never swam with anything other than girls. Swim suits were never allowed.Girls wore pleated full culottes. They were only allowed if they looked like a skirt. We also had to wear a t-shirt. This really covered nothing while in the water but it was all we were allowed. I got my first swim suit not long after were married and I wore it to the beach. I felt naked and weird. After that I always wore shorts with it.
Church was probably the biggest confusing experience for me. Coming from a very strict extremely hard-core church background I was ready to make changes but afraid of angering God. I always had this picture of God sitting up in the clouds waiting for me to make a mistake so that he could strike me down. I was afraid to miss church even 1 day because it was a the first step to drugs and my impending doom. I was also afraid my parents would think I ran off to another state to live like the devil and not because I was in love and wanted to make a life for myself.
We found a pretty conservative church but not as conservative as I had gone to before I was really afraid to tell my parents the name of the church in case the googled it. Though in appearance the church was very down the line but some of the woman wore *gasp* pants. Another big issues was that even though the pastor taught from the king James version of the Bible the accepted the NIV. Some of the teachers taught from it. I had always been taught the NIV was straight from hell itself.
My mom later visited after my first child was born. We brought her to church with us a couple of times. I prayed she wouldn’t see anything objectionable but she found more wrong with it than I even thought she would. My mom decided not to go back to church with us again.
We ended up venturing out into the pool of churches in the area. We were finding that most of the churches in our area that were conservative all had ties with the Pearls philosophy of breaking a child. Many were also aligned with the Gothard’s ministry. If you don’t know who they are do some reasearch. They have a pretty extreme way of doing things in a religious matter. Neither of these were groups we wanted to raise our own children in. While we wanted our children to be good member of society, we didn’t want to break them to get them there. It wasnt right for us.
So we left and went on a year-long mission of finding what was. I had no idea there were so many different kinds of churches. I saw new things like speaking in tongues, worship bands, people putting their hands out in the air, and dancing in church, and other varying things. I have to admit I was a little freaked out and overwhelmed. I was used to a very stiff style of worship.
We did finally settled on a church for the time being. We have been attending there for the past year. I have had a very hard time trusting people especially people in authority of the church. So we’ve kinda tried to be in the back ground for now. I feel like I’m just an observer and I’m happy there for now.
Until next time, Sage
Copyright Sage © 2015 Starting over and Breaking Free. Do not use without my permission.